Should I trust my gut?

Do I trust my heart or do I trust my head?

Both of them are pretty cloudy right now, and I don’t know what’s real, what’s the truth, what’s an embellishment, and what’s an outright lie.

Should I trust my gut? Well right now my gut is twisted in knots; I want to go with what she is telling me, but what if I am hearing her wrong? I think my heart is confusing things. I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt…but when I start to doubt you, it takes a lot to overcome that. Meaning, I will distance myself from you. Our interaction will be on an as needed basis… few and far between.

Truly, it takes me years to get to the level that I trust someone enough to regard them as family. My best friend, I’ve known her for years, we have been friends for 15 years, but I would say that it’s been the past 9 years that I really started to look at her not as my friend, but as my sister.

Meeting new people can be great, making new friends could be even better…but you only get what people are willing to give. And sometimes what you get is not the truth, it’s a facade, it’s make believe…then as the truth begins to reveal itself, you truly start to question the person in front of you…are they who they claim to be? Can I trust them to be my friend? Should I keep them as an associate? Am I reading too much into things? Am I not reading enough into the situation?

All I know is if the thought of not having you in my life makes me sad…then I need…no, I want you in my life…Otherwise…well…peace.

I have been uncharacteristically passive…but that is about to stop. The gloves are now off, no holds barred. If I’m looking at you sideways and crooked…trust me, you will know it.

Some people truly live in a fantasy world. You don’t have to lie to make yourself look better in my sight. If people cannot accept you for who you are, they are not worth it. And if you can’t come to me as you are, then you are not worth my time. I am starting to believe that some people have a hard time recognizing the different between fantasy and reality. I have one of the wildest imaginations, but when the cloud pops, I can shift back into reality. Sometimes my fantasies make my reality seem dull...but I know the different all the same. I think that we sometimes blur the lines between the two, because we don't want to deal with our own reality.

At least be able to admit when you are at fault…If you are always in the right, or always lay the blame on others…well…it makes it hard to trust you. I can at least respect you if you can admit that you made a mistake.

I think my problem might be that I am always expecting folks to do me dirty, and then when they do, I am like ah-ha! I know, I know, I know…so not fair.

I just want to end this by saying, “Two tears in a bucket!”

I think it's clear now.