Keli’s Rules for Wearing Heels

1. Always keep it sexy…comfort must always be sacrificed for style. If it the heel ain’t at least 3.5 inches…there is nothing I can do with it…not even worth buying…I need at least 4 to 4.5 inches…heels people, heels…other wise that number is doubled. *winks*

2. Please moisturize your situation…I know that lotion can sometimes make things slip and slide…but there is no excuse to have crusty dusty feet stuffed into some fly shoes. Grease them dawgs and put you on some socks…that will help some of that dissolve into the skin…it burns me up to see a woman in a pair of sexy open toe heels…feet looking like sand dunes...oh...and chipped toe nail polish is also a negative.

3. Taps are necessary…if it falls off, either get it replaced or retire the shoe. If your heels look like Spot got a hold of it and used it as a chew toy…it’s time to let those go…if your heels are turned over, leaning like the tower in Italy…well…I think you should not be wearing heels in the first place!

4. Buy the right size…if the shoe does not come in half sizes…go the next size up…never go down…heels hanging and toes dragging are never a good look. Also, feet stuffed in a two tight pair of shoes is not the bigness…feet all swollen, looking like you have bed baking in your shoe. (yes, Steph…I stole your line, lol).

5. Always have a pair of flip flops and a back up pair of shoes in the car (or in your emergency bag)…just in case the pain is unbearable. Shoes are like panties…you should always have a spare pair. Also, I never drive in my heels…that’s why I keep a pair of flip flops in the car…driving in heels is the quickest way to tear them up.

6. Cheap is good…I like a good sale…I love a good bargain…but I just can’t do pleather plastic shoes, with faux wood, faux cork, or faux anything…I’m allergic.

7. The Drop Test!

I bring the shoes home from the store…and before I decide to keep them…they must pass the drop test…I try shoes on again…In my head I hear Pimp C (RIP) saying…

Let me see it...Let me see it
Bend over lemme see it,
Let me see it...Let me see it
Bend over lemme see it...

I then do exactly that…I bend over and then I drop it low…holding it for a second before getting back up…then I bring it back up, slowly…trip drill style…tooting that azz up and putting that dip in my back…I do this infront of a mirror of course…I have to admire my work, while checking to see how good the shoes look while I do my thing…now, if I can drop it and get back up with ease…and the shoes make me look sexier while doing so…and I feel they can hold up…then they are a keeper…otherwise, back to the sto’ they go.

Now ladies…there you have it…that’s how you manage to keep it sexy when wearing heels. Sometimes your feet hurt like heel…but the true test of a bad biatch is being able to never break a sweat…at all times walk like you own the shoes…don’t let them own you.

Fellas…well…hey…if you know of any ladies that’s not working the heels right…you might want to pass along the tips.

Shouts to Patrice for giving me the idea!