The Pimp In Me

I have been in a bit of a funk…

Something funny…I was listening to J Holiday the other night…as he sang…

Girl, the pimp in me just died…said it died…it died…

So, I change my IM Status to…The pimp in me just died…

But here’s the funny thing…

I had a few people hit me up on IM asking about my status, “The pimp in me just died”…

What is that supposed to mean? Are you ok?

And the hater friend who said “Girl, you know you’re not a pimp”

I don’t think I have ever had more than one person react to a status message…and I have had some pretty ridiculous ones, lol.

So I just laughed it off, and let them know it was nothing…I was just listening to a song by J Holiday…blah, blah, blah…

But that was not all true, it was something…I have been in a bit of a funk lately…some of it is business stuff, some of it is family stuff, and some of it is man stuff…it’s the man stuff on top of the other stuff that really sent me over the edge…

Now at the time, the status message seemed fitting…I went from having two strong starters, and a good back up… to cutting the roster down to one…

I have one dude that I have been playing “reindeer games” with (shouts out to my girl) since, this time last year…and nothing has developed…but for some reason…he always draws me back in…

Then I have the other who although I have known for several years, just really came into my life a few months back… I find myself wanting to give to him…my time, my body, my soul…my inner thoughts…he has done in just a few months what some have not been able to do in years…earn my trust...get over the wall…I am already acting with him in mind…I must admit…my head is all MESSED up! He has been demanding of me and my time…although he does not have much time to give himself…and when I say demanding…I mean…he has very high expectations of me…which is cool, because I have the same level of expectations of him…but…he also wants to just come in and start running things, assert his control as the “man”…that’s what it ain’t…you at least got to put it down before you try to come in and regulate…I’m just saying…

I have yet to be physically intimate with either…which I am ok with, but on the other hand I am NOT ok with! They are both very attractive men …One of them is probably the sexiest, most handsome man I have EVER laid eyes on…he did try to kiss me, but I backed away, twice…I mean, he was still officially someone’s husband at the time…that’s the last time he has attempted to be in my space…he extends lunch invitations and never follows through…suggests we hang out together if we are going to be at the same social gathering, yet barely has to words to say to me when he sees me…I had pretty much chunked him the deuce…and now…he has extended a dinner invite…

So here I am…I have the attention of two handsome, intelligent, successful, black men…yet, I don’t feel as though I really have their attention. So far shit has been done on their terms…and that’s so not me…

I am about to make them work...

See usually, I tend to be high maintenance borderline difficult, sometimes just downright mean…I have been trying to work on that...trying to grow in that regard…trying to bury the hot headed, sharp tongued bitch...but they are about to bring her back out...seems like men like her better anyway…or at least she elicits the desired results. They are about to make me use the pimp hand, lol.

Oh, and don’t let me run into the back up…he might need to be bumped up to a starter as well. ;)

Might need to consider picking up a free-agent too.

The pimp has been revived.