"Thank you Jesus!"...

That’s all I could say as the double doors parted and I crossed the threshold.

I was calm, I am usually a ball of emotion…guess it’s different when it’s about you…no time to stress, that was not going to change things. I located my phone to call my mother, she does not pick up at work…I tried the home number, same response. I just need to talk to someone, hear someone reassure me that all is well…need someone to stand in agreement with me. I call up my friend, she seems very nonchalant...I don’t want her to be emotional, no need for that, however, I am not sure that this is the response I wanted, expected, or needed at this time as well…

“How often do you do self breast examinations?”
“Not as frequently as I should, maybe every couple of months.”
“Do you ever feel anything?”
“I always feel something; I have fibrocystic breast tissue, hard to tell what’s normal and what’s not.”
“Hmmm”
“Hmmm” I think to myself. Not want you want to hear as someone takes their forefingers and work them around your breast.
“Owe”. That one word sealed the deal. Not only is there a lump, but it’s accompanied by breast tenderness. I was giving a paper with a picture of two breasts, with a star on the right breast indicating where the lump was detected in my breast…then I was told to contact the number on the top of the sheet to schedule a mammogram and ultrasound.

I take the paper and just stare at it for a brief moment. Trying to wrap my mind around what was happening, not too sure what was happening. She said that the size and shape of the lump was nothing to be alarmed about, however, the position and the tenderness was caused for concern. “She’s just crossing all her T’s and dotting all her I’s”, I think as I check out. I’m only 33, there is no way I have breast cancer…sure, my grandmother had a double mastectomy, but she was seventy-something…I am going to be fine.

I finally get my mother on the phone and I let her know what was going on. Her words and her tone let me know that I could not break down…I had to keep it together…tears were not allowed. She said that she prays for me, my sister, and my nieces every morning, and that it was already done…that everything is fine. Maybe my faith is shaky, because I was not too sure...

As I drove into the office, my breasts seem to become heavy…or maybe it was my heart becoming heavy due to the burden that had been placed upon me.

I call the radiological association to make an appointment.
“That’s in an hour?”
“If you don’t come in today at 12:45pm, we will not be able to get you in for two weeks”
Well, my follow-up appointment is within two weeks, so that’s no good. I go ahead and make the appointment, and inform the owner’s wife that I will be leaving the office once again for the day.

“What is your name again? Hmmm, Ms. Crane, it seems that we don’t have you scheduled today?”
I am on the cusp of getting ig’nant, so I take a deep breath before responding.
“I just spoke to someone, and she told me that I could come in today at 12:45, or I would have to wait two weeks to get an appointment?”
“Do you have your order from the doctor?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have your insurance card?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, hand me your information and I will work you into the schedule, but I can’t promise that it will be quick.”

I go take a seat in the waiting area, as I look around, all I could think is “That I don’t belong here. Everyone was so much older, and when I say older I mean they appeared to be older than my own mother. Had it not been for the fact that a lump was detected in my left breast at the age of 19, and I actually had a surgical consult, I might not have felt as uneasy as I did in that moment…the longer I waited, the more uneasy I became…I had no idea of what lied ahead…

“Kelly Crane” I hear someone call with a strong Texas twang.

I walk back. No, my name is not Kelly, but no need to sweat the small stuff. I smile as she introduces herself, never correcting her. She shows me to a tiny dressing room, more like a dressing closet and instructs me to disrobe. She also hands me some toilettes to clean my underarm area…apparently wearing deodorant is a big no when you are going in for a mammogram.

“Kelly are you ready?” She asks as she opens the door to the dressing closet.
I actually was not ready because I could not get the cape to snap.
“Well, that’s no good” She says as she picks up another cape. “The snap is broken on this one”
The technician dresses me and leads me to a room…THE room.
“Have you had this done before?”
“No, this is my first time.”
“Well I am going to compress your breasts…”
She kept talking, but I was not listening, I was stuck on the “Compress my breasts” part of the explanation. Apparently my face spoke for me, because I heard, “Oh, it’s alright, don’t make that face.”
“You mentioned something about compressing my breast”
“Yes, but don’t worry, I can’t pancake them, the machine will not allow me to pancake them.”
Did she just compare my girls to flap jacks? This day is steadily getting worse…
“My mother did not tell me any of this”
“Oh well, she just didn’t want to scare ya?”

This is the oddest thing I have ever encountered...even worse than the speculum opening my cervix earlier that morning. You can’t be shy in this field of work, and you damn sure can’t be shy when you’re having someone left your boob, stretch it on a platform, and then pancake it. She had me in some crazy positions…if you moved away the contraption I probably looked like a pinup girl on crack.

"Swing that cape back behind ya...there ya go Super Woman!"

"Superwoman" I thought, as I chuckled. I felt the least bit heroic in the moment.

The hard part was over…now I had to play the waiting game. She sent me back to the dressing closet while the radiologist read my results. She brought me a couple of magazines to occupy my time. “Humph” I say as I notice she handed me a copy of “In Style” with Beyonce on the cover…just because I’m black I think as I laugh out loud. I decide to read the “Us Weekly” instead. Right as I am finishing reading he magazine, she returns to let me know that the radiologists wanted to go ahead with an ultra-sound...

After it’s all said and done, all I can do is give thanks. The ultrasound came back clear, and everything is good to go. I am healthy!

On my way back to the office, I thought about what if? What if the results would have been different? What if I lost one or both of my breasts? Yeah, Steph, I know you said they don’t make me a woman…but I can’t help to feel that I might feel like less of a woman without them.

A routine check-up turned out not to be so routine after all...
All I can say is make sure to keep up with your routine check-ups…
You just never know…

Hello All

How's it going?

I hope all is well in blogland?

I have been a bit exhausted and uninspired as of late.

Something I will say is...

I am tired of people expecting me to do black flips because we have a black-president elect...
I am tired of people to expect me to always talk about the Obama's...
No! I don't think Michelle has great style...actually I find her kinda frumpy, and she reminds me of a caricature drawing.
No! I don't find the president-elect sexy...he's odd looking to me as well.
No! I don't care what kinda dog the first family gets.
No! I don't care what their secret service nicknames are.
So what, her mother's going to Washington to live with them...that's how black folks do...we don't hire random folks to take care of our children.
No! I don't care that he played basketball on election night.

We have already made this man larger than the office he will take, larger than life...
get back to me in four years...

On another note...

I never thought I would say that "Lollipop" was a beautiful song, but David Sides has made it just that.

k-spot PSA

Did you?

I am going to say something that many disagree with…

I feel that exercising your right to vote…gives you just as much right NOT to vote.

I feel that a vote is about convictions, and if you cannot place your vote in good faith…Don’t!
If you don’t know the issues to be voted on…Don’t!

An ignorant or just because vote is as worse than not voting…I can’t get with this vote just to vote mumbo jumbo…and if you pay taxes, you have a right to raise your voice in concern over how tax dollars are being spent…

I’m just saying…

Votes responsibly…make an informed vote!

This concludes my public service announcement.

On a more personal note…

Some things in my life suck right now…but I can’t let those get me down…I have no control over them…

I will say that I do have a lot of good things going on in my life right now…things I can control, and I feel good about the decisions I have made these past couple of months…

So if you can't change it...learn to accept it...if you can change it...work to do so...

stop moping and complaining...that's counter productive...

All in all…I feel good.

God saw fit...

to use me.

Went to bible study on Tuesday...

Pastor FREE approached me and asked, "Are you a Poet"

"I write."

"How did I know that"

"How did you know that?"

At that moment, I knew it was God speaking...and I could not say no...so whatever he wanted me to do...I had to do it...I have never presented anything that I've written before...but today, I did a spoken word presentation for youth Sunday...it's not the same written but I thought I would share with you all the same...

Hey Young man, can I get at you for a second.
What’s up lil’ sister, let me talk to you for a minute.
Why do you drag your feet and walk with your head hung low?
I too know what it’s like to trust a friend…only to learn instead of having your back…they’re stabbing your back…
Instead of holding you up…they’re dragging you down…
But I have a friend, that always has my back…no matter what…he got that
He is always there, and my life is better just because
He’s true and he’s real…
The King of the Trill
If you don’t know, you better ask somebody
You still don’t look like you feel…me.
You got the fly 'fit, check.
You got the fly kicks, check.
But yet, it seems that your hearts needs to be checked.
Your busted, your broken, wounds wide open…
You feel that no one cares, your heart is troubled…but…
Your burdens he'll bear...
Just let me share...
Check this, I too was there…
Busted and broken, wounds wide open...
I know what it’s like to hurt…
But he was wounded for MY transgressions, and now my wounds are healed…
That's why, I, can walk with my shoulders back and my head held high
Not because I'm fly like that…
I'm cool like that, I got my swag back, because of the SON
And for all that he’s done, for me…how can I not be down.
I'm a ride or die chick, and I choose to ride, because for me he died.
So the least I can do, is give HIM my life.
See…
It's not about me, it's about he
And together we…got it going on
And no one on the corner has swagger like us,
That's why in Christ, is where I put my trust.


Copyright © 2008 by kelic
All rights reserved. No part of this may be used or reproduced without the author's written consent.

kspot Flashback...

Here lately I've been yearning to be a relationship...

I am at a point in my life, where I want someone to share it with. Not saying I want to be married today...but I am tired of the status quo.

Just thought I would revisit this...

If Only I Had A Man...

That would let me know that everything is going to be alright when I am having a rough day.
That would sit with me and talk about everything while talking about nothing.
That realizes I'm not the typical chick.
That believes me and believes in me.
That can melt me with one touch.
That thinks of me before he acts.
That understands that I am the best person to have in his corner.
That realizes I always act with him in mind.
That calls me before he goes to bed, just to hear the sound of my voice.
That wants me to be his best friend.
That asks me what I'm thinking, or how I'm feeling before drawing his own conclusions.
That would talk to me, and let me know what's on his mind.
That greets me and asks how was my day when I get home from work.
That understands I will not always agree with him...but I am always for him...never against him.
That can accept me, all of me, flaws and all.
That would offer me the world if it were his to give.
That would hug me so tightly that I get lost in his arms.
If only...

Copyright © 2007 by kelic
All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this may be used or reproduced in without the author's consent.

Here it is...

(vixenchick) said...
what qualities would you like for your potential mate to have?
This could be an entire blog posting in itself…
I want a man that is God fearing and believes in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
I want a man that is confident, I once posted that swagger is everything and I truly believe this.
I want a man that is strong willed…no alcoholics, drug users here.
I want a man that is honest! This should have come before confident…I need a man that I can trust, and that I know will always have my back.
I want a man that is ambitious…nothing sexier than a man that makes things happen!
I want a man that is intelligent, ambitious, humorous, and health conscious (meaning…he is exercises, eats fairly well, and he goes and gets regular check-ups).
I want a man that can give me multiple screaming orgasms…and I’m not talking about the bartender. ..

To be with me, he has to be willing to do the little things...can't take yourself too seriously, and find my quirks endearing.


Pajnstl said...
What's the most risqué' thing you've done in the past 45 days?
The past 45 days…I made a video of me pleasuring myself and sent it to a special friend…the file was so large that I could not email it…so I sent it via yousendit.com…
That was pretty out there for me…not to mention that the lights were in full effect in my living room, so if anyone on the 3rd floor facing the courtyard was on their patio…they may have gotten a show.

What goal would you like to accomplish in the next 45 days?
I would like to have a full complete draft of book 1…we’re almost there. JWhat's your fantasy?
You know…I don’t really have any explicit fantasies…well…I don’t know…sex in a football stadium (empty of course) but the possibility that you could be watched…and of course I have a particular football player (or two) in mind. *winks*



eclectik said...
Do you sleep with a doo rag?
I don’t…I have not slept with a doo-rag since I stopped relaxing my hair. But I am thinking about getting a satin pillow case…just because.

What's better? Steak or Pizza?
Hmmm…I’m a TX girl, and as much as I love Pizza, I will take a Steak instead any day!

Whats your bra size?
Right now…38 DD.

What would you rather have? Sex with Vince Young or a Texas National Championship?
Then…National Championship.
Now…Vince Young…
But I would be willing to settle for the 2008 National Championship.

Who would win in a dance off between you and Pajnstl?
Mannnn…shoot, that’s a hard one…but I think I can take her, unless she drops down into a split and starts doing back bends and stuff…I don’t know if I can still do all that, lol.



Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...
When did u first know u were a mac momma?
When I was 14…all the older fellas were following behind me, trying to spit game at me, and I realized I could get them to do “stuff” if they thought they had a chance to get at me.

When u gone get and read one of my books jones?
Mannn…how did my post become about you?! I am re-starting a book club, and I just might make one of your books a selection…which do you recommend?


Good questions. Thanks for indulging me.

What it is?

I feel it’s time it’s updated my blog…but not sure what I want to say. Have a lot of stuff on my mind, but I am really just too tired to articulate anything…

So…

Is there anything you want to know about me?
(Yes, I am jus that conceited to believe that y’all want to know about me, lol)

Ask away…

Message to a Friend

If my homie calls…tell him I have a message for him.
He once dedicated an Ode to me, In appreciate for my friendship...I feel it’s due time I returned the favor. It’s rare that I get around to showing my feelings…no time like the present to let him know that he is not alone…
The things we do for love we grow to regret, but keep ya head up
Although things may not be the way they were, better days are on the horizon
You will no longer have to shed so many tears…
I don’t see you crying, but I hear the sound of tears in your words
I too think about the way things were, the time we’ve loss,
We can never turn back time…never go back “old school”
We can only live for today, in anticipation for better days
You no longer need to say, “It’s me against the world”
I have your back…stop running’ from yourself
Realize you strength and all that you have overcome
Realize that in me you have someone you can call a friend…
until the end of time.

Copyright © 2008 by kelic
All rights reserved. No part of this may be used or reproduced without the author's consent.

Confusion

I have a lot what I want to say…not sure how to say it…not sure if it’s worth saying…

#2 is now #1…but he’s not ready to be #1, and he’s only #1 because #1 has been acting in a manner in which I don’t prefer…so does that mean that #1 is still #2.

I don’t have a problem with giving…until I feel that it goes unappreciated…once you become entitled…I no longer feel the desire to give…so if you appreciate it, I need to know it…so you better show it…or else I say f@#% it!

Say one thing…do another…words only hold merit if they are backed up with actions…so, I don’t care what you say…it’s all in what you do…and right now…you ain’t saying or doing boo!

Yep…still talking about #1…but I guess the issues would be non-issues if I did not really like him…but…I like #2 too… again…two tears in a bucket…f@#% it…

So why I am in this funk?

Who do I look like?

Found this at EB's blog...

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

I guess I can deal with these...I put in some other pics and got some crazy results...

Calvin Coolidge

Jamie Foxx

Jimmy Carter...wtf?!

And...

I don't post my mug too often...will be a minute before you see me again.

*****************************************************************************

This is the pic that rendered the Jamie Foxx and Calvin Coolidge result...

Parents Need to Listen

So, the parents headed home yesterday…against my advice…

“We have electricity”

“But what about other resources, power is not always enough”

...Well…

They have power, but they don’t have running water…went to the police station yesterday morning to get bottled water and ice…can’t buy food because the stores are closed…can’t get gas…

I know that my mother was asked to report to work today, but she’s never concerned about running back to work any other time she’s been visiting…I understand they were anxious to get home and check things out…but now, they can’t go anywhere…they can’t get gas.
I offered to ship some bread and stuff to them overnight…my dad’s reaction…

“Girl, you don’t need to do all that shit. We all right”

Translation…

“Stop being so dramatic and I don’t want you to worry about us.”

Well Daddy, that’s easier said than done…that’s what I do…I worry…I take on the role of caretaker, nurturer…I just want to make sure that everyone is ok…

And I would be a lot less stressed right now…if my parents would have just listened to me and stayed here for a couple more days!

Thoughts and Prayers

I am at work…but I can’t focus…my mind is elsewhere…

My parents made it into town late Wed. night…fleeing Ike…yep…big bad hurricane Ike.
I knew this one could potentially be a big one…why?

In 2005 when hurricane Rita was in the gulf, projected to hit my home town before turning…my dad was not pressed…even when Rita grew into a cat 5 my dad was chilling…so much so that my mother left him behind and headed on into Austin solo…well…after witnessing the destruction of Katrina, I totally flipped out, threatening to never speak to her again if Rita was what they predicted and my father’s life was put in danger…now this time around…when they announced mandatory evacuations for Freeport, TX…my father called my mom and asked what where her plans, because he did not want to be left behind this time…

Freeport TX is a peninsula… right at sea level…my parent’s home is only a few miles from the Gulf…the are predicting a storm surge up to 20 ft, and potential 50 ft waves…the beach is already awash…

My parents did not board up…my mother said she packed her, “nice clothes”, pictures, and important documents…

I don’t go home often, maybe once every 3 years…it’s like I got out and never looked back…if my parents did not leave back there, I would probably never enter the city limits…there is nothing for me in Freeport, TX…but…it’s still home…that’s where I grew up...and I would not change my small town upbringing for anything…no matter how far away I move…Freeport will always be home…I enjoyed living near the water…it’s something peaceful about it… running on the levee along the Brazos River…going with family fishing on the jetty’s in the Gulf…my friends parties (DJ and all) on one of his family’s party boat…those were fun times…and the thought that one storm can come and wash my home away…well…I can’t even imagine…

I pray that Ike comes and goes with minimal damage.

My thoughts and prayers are with all that are within Ike's path.

Ol' School Sports Crushes

I have a thing for athletes…especially the ones with that arrogant swat…oh, but you have to have the ability to back it up too…until recently, I have never been into a dude that was not a current/former football player…and of course if a former player, they must look like it…I have crushed on a bball player or two…I actually been crushing on a 6’7” PF since I was 12…he is probably the finest man I have ever laid eyes on…well it’s a toss up between him and #2 (I really need to come up with better nicknames...but anyway...let's get back on topic here...I give you, my first 4 athlete crushes...




4. Andre Agassi


Hush, I don’t want to hear it! I played tennis and at the time I loved me some him, he was my favorite male player at the time…there was no James Blake on the scene back then, and Yannick Noah is not attractive...and I was only 12...I did not know any better.



3. Prime Time

This was my first football crush (only baseball crush)…I loved me some Neon Deion, jheri curl and all…still do!



2. Blaine Bishop
I’m not usually into pretty boys…but this man is fione…well at least he was back then. Didn’t hurt that he played for the Houston Oilers (may they RIP).

And now…for the top pick of them all…my all time greatest sports crush…I fell in love with this man as a teenager and I have been crushing ever since…His Royal Airness, Michael Jordan!

… he always strived to beat his personal best…and that caused him to bring a passion to the game that I don’t think will ever be duplicated…I could genuinely tell that he loved what he did…that was nothing better to him than stepping out on the hardwood…preparing to do what he did best…losing was not an option…he’s the reason I chose to wear the #23 in HS…not to mention…he’s hella sexy! I think this is where my affinity for bald chocolate men started…and he's still got it...Yes lawd! If I only I were that cigar!

Are you ready for some football?!

I sure the hell am!

I already got it poppin this past weekend with the Longhorn season opener…hook’em!

The best thing about watching a game live…the hard hitting…being able to hear the pads crack…I love it!

Tonight kicks off the start of the NFL season…

The Redskins head to the Meadowlands to take on the defending Super Bowl champs…
The game kicks off at 6:15 my time…I usually don’t leave work until six, even if I leave at 5, I will be stuck in traffic for an hour…$*@#*! , just because McCain’s old azz can’t stay up too late to give his acceptance speech…that’s what it ain’t!

I am neutral, can care less who wins…I am just ready for the season to get underway…
Wait, not too fast…let me check my fantasy line ups…

For those who know me, you know I love me some backs…
Quarterbacks, running backs, defensive backs… I might also have a thing for a linebacker or two, and who doesn’t love a tight end?!

I’m a Titans fan…love me some VY and The Freak is back! What sucks for me…is that I live in Austin, TX…they want to show Cowboys (boooo!) or Texans (booooo hiss hiss booo!) games…yeah, given that I grew up an Oilers fan, I tried to give the Texans a chance…if the Titans keep drafting Longhorns (still upset about them passing over Sweed, we need a WR), I will be a fan for life.

Ahhhh, football’s in the air!

This ish turns me on!

Show me the money!

It’s expensive being a woman…

$60-$80 brazillian wax, every 4 to 6 weeks
$15 - $20 eyebrows

And for those ladies who have chemically treated hair…let’s see, you probably have a standing hair appointment every two weeks at what, “$40 - $55 a pop? And let’s not talk relaxer, that’s about $50 - $75.

Hair products…we can’t just get some Dax grease, a heavy azz brush, and a wave cap…nope…
For me…
Shampoo $7.50 & Conditioner $7.50 (Regis curl lock, I love it)
Paul Mithcell foaming pomade $7.95
Paul Mitchell sculpting foam $11
Fortunately, my hair products last me a while…come to think of it, I just might be able to get away with the Dax and a wave cap…just maybe.

Then there is lip gloss…we spend at least $7 - $13 just to give our lips that glossy shine.

We spend money on body butters, exfoliating scrubs, and all kinds of things to keep or skin soft and glowing…I mean, why can’t we just be down with a bottle of Jergens like the menfolk?
Manicures - $25 plus, Pedicures $25 plus (although I must admit, I don’t really keep up with either of the two…I will take care of my own feet, I love wearing open toe heels, can’t be all dusty and crusty).

Once a month we have to spend about $5 to $10 on products (tampons, ibuprofen, panty liners, what have you) to help get us through that time of the month…and if you have cravings, forget it, that’s like an extra $20 in food that week. And I am not sure about you ladies, but I spend about $30 a month on damn toilet paper…I swear I must eat this stuff…must be nice to shake and go.

Birth control…some folks insurance don’t want to even cover that mug, and then even sometimes with the generic pills you are paying damn near $30 for a month’s supply…then I don’t know how much the shot, or the ring cost, but I would say that overall it breaks down to about $30 a month. My birth control has been pretty cheap for the past 23 months…abstinence, ha! But on the cool…$30 a damn month…and that does not include the cost of condoms…I think we should go to the party strapped as well…never know what might pop off.

Damn the more I add this up…forget sponsoring a child, sponsor a woman, today!

Uneventful is Good!

So I had a pretty uneventful holiday weekend…and I would not have it any other way…uneventful is good…

Before I continue, let me stop and give thanks to God for keeping Gustav’s damage to a minimal…

Speaking of uneventful, is it just me, or do the news reporters seem a bit disappointed that Gustav did not come in and wreck havoc? Saying ish, like “Ike could be big” with excitement and glee…well, I pray that Ike is not big. People’s lives were still affected by Gustav, although minimal, there was damage…if you have never had to flee from the potential danger, you could no way imagine how it feels…I grew up on the TX coast, and I am on edge anytime they say tropical anything brewing…I could never imagine living through the devastation that was Katrina…and just think of those who did not make it out…I was at my wits end when my mother decided to stay home during Gustav, my family lives west of Galveston Island, right at the mouth of the Brazos River, there are levees all around…my parents are very close to the gulf, probably like a 2 maybe 3 mi drive…so yeah, I was freaking out a bit…I don’t think there is any reason to risk it if you don’t have too…and she did not have to go to work (her job shuts down when they hear the word hurricane), and my sister and I are both here in central Texas…a good 200 miles away from the coast…come chill with us.

I went to the Longhorn season opener on Saturday…let me say it was hot! And no, I am not referring to the fact that VY, Michael Griffin, and Matthew McConaughey were on the sidelines…but that helped, although Matthew is looking mighty crazy these days…and his TX shirt was not sexy…his girlfriend was on the sideline, with the baby…in 100 degree weather, it was too hot for my grown azz to be out there, I thought I was going to pass out…then they had the poor baby all bundled up in a sling across his mama’s chest? Why?! You know they be on some other level stuff…especially Matthew.

I did not leave my apartment once on Sunday…not once…I had to make do with whatever food and drank I had in the crib…made tea, only had about a fourth of a cup of sugar…I just had to make do. I had some chicken drumettes and some Louisiana hot sauce…so I made me some hot wings…and they sure were good!

My sister had to work yesterday, so I told her I would keep the girls. They came over Sunday night…not trying to wake up at 7am on a holiday because my sister had to drop the girls off…they brought Theodore, the Chinese dwarf hamster…why he gots to be Chinese? And why he gots to be a dwarf? I cannot stand the site of this thing…it’s a rodent?! Of course they did not ask me if their beloved pet could come along, they just brought him…ick! That damn thing scared the hell out of me, woke me up in the middle of the night spinning on that damn wheel…he waits until everyone is ready to sleep to want to get crunk…that’s what the hell it ain’t! I was really tempted to put him outside on the patio…the only saving grace was I did not want a cat or raccoon or whatever get a hold of him. I mean…I know he was in his cage, but if the raccoons can manage to make their way into the attic (even after chicken wire was put ever the vents) I am sure they can make their way into a hamster cage. And the last thing I needed was for the oldest to get all emotional about a damn rodent…not too mentioned she would never have forgiven me…she even had the nerve to tell me that she thinks people can go to jail for stuff like that, said it’s neglectful and endangerment…was that a threat?! Whatever, I wish she would call the cops on me because I put her hamster outside…I would make sure to whoop her azz right there in front of the cops just for gp.

Patrice, I had a cup of gumbo yesterday and I’m still alive! And I am glad that all is well with your fam!

I guess it’s back to business as usual for me…

Cause it's Friday…

you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do…

One of my favorite movies of all time…yes, I am woman enough to admit it…don’t front…you know you have watched this ish over and over too. Chris Tucker made this movie…the others have just not quite hit the mark…I love me some Katt Williams (yes I have a crush on the leprechaun pimp…I just have a thing for men that can make me laugh…I guess…), but even he could not make Friday After Next worth watching over and over and over…

I do have a job…but I decided to take off this Friday…I am debating just how accessible I am going to make myself today…Do I want to return emails? Should I call candidates if they show interest? What do I do…I mean, I did take vacay…not a work from home day…so I guess I have my answer.

I really don’t have ish to do today…I originally was going to go home for the holiday weekend, but I’ve been a bit under the weather…last week was rough, this week was recovery…and I now have a ticket to the Texas season opener against Florida Atlantic (hook’em)…they will be retiring my boy VY’s jersey before the game…I only came up on one ticket…thanks Tim…but I don’t mind going to the game by myself...it’s a football game, although going alone, I will not be alone. I am so excited football season is really here. Now I have to call my cousin and tell her I will not be making the trek to Brazoria County this weekend…I am sure she will be disappointed…yet she will forgive me…I am such the prodigal daughter…I can’t tell you the last time I went home…oh yes, I can…It was in July…I rode back home with my sister to pick up my nieces from my mom’s…it was a turnaround trip…I see my parents all the time, they love coming to Austin…it’s the rest of the family I have not seen since 2005…oh well…

Have a happy Friday and enjoy your holiday…if you 'que for Labor Day, send some my way. *chunks deuce*

Tip'n on 4-4's

She didn’t tag me…but I was told that I had to do it anyway…because she meant to tag me, lol.

And this one is easy enough, and will give me an updated blog posting…so here goes…

Four placees I go to over and over:

1. The office

2. HEB Grocery

3. My sister’s house

4. The gas station (shame that the gym did not make this list)

Four people who e-mail me (regularly):

1. Patrice

2. SDM

3. Timothy

4. Millie

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Houston

2. DC

3. Miami

4. Vegas

Four TV shows/programs that I watch over and over:

1. The Hills

2. Making the Band

3. What Not to Wear

4. One Tree Hill

Four things I have for breakfast:

1. Belgian Waffles

2. Post Great Grains Crunchy Pecan cereal, with plain soy milk, and banana slices.

3. Ham and cheese croissant

4. Breakfast Tacos

Four animals I like best:

1. Ones

2. that

3. live

4. elsewhere LOL

(I have to agree with my girl Patrice on this one…and I don’t deal with other people pets either)

Four beaches I’ve been to:

1. Galveston

2. Corpus Christi

3. Surfside

4. Quintanna

(I pretty much grew up on the last two)

Tagging 4 people-since I was not officially tagged…I will not tag anyone.

Romance and ish like that...

Romance means different things to different people...takes different things to get us in the mood...

me, sometimes...I be on that hood ish for real...tell me how you want to beat it up and slap me on the azz...that's romance...I'm wit Black Ty...you know we be tearing it up, breaking stuff, that ghetto love...I don't know about you...but these lyrics right here...that's romance at it's best, ha!

I'll be obliged
if you step outside
because my ride is awaitin
our date an
of steak an
a night cap
we matin
awakin
by smells of perfume that I inhale
and then tell how well we raise hell on the dizzell
satin sheets
heat from your feet keep me warm
The mood is perfected with the sounds from the storm
You came stronger
I lasted longer
Than I've ever lasted
your mouth was fantastic
the fuk test
you passed it
the way you made a nigga laugh
I had to getcha
and when I saw that ass pass
I had to hit cha
ya makin me fight against my will
What must I do?
[Would ya kill for me?]
Yeah if my life in danger too
[Even steal for me?]
Yeah if that shit belongs to you
[Then feel for me?]
Yeah if the way you act is true
Who knows
fine clothes
Lexus doors you'll be closin
when you become one of the chosen...

1...2...

So…

I heated up my leftovers at 1:45 pm…then he hit me up at 2pm, asking if I was in the mood for a late lunch…

I am not feeling well…think I am coming down with something…have not been taking the allergy tablets like I should…and I was not feeling my best…so I hit him up and let him know that I was already eating, and working through lunch.

Around 4:30 my phone rings…it’s him…asking me how I was doing…the conversation ended with him making some phone calls to look into a car for me (I am in the market for a VW Passat).

So…still no lunch plans…but the negro is car shopping for me…

On another note…

#1….because “lunch date” is actually in the #2 position right now...he just don’t know it…so I spent some QT time with #1…late Saturday night, early Sunday morning…however you want to call it…it wasn’t face-to-face…he’s traveling on business…so we have to work with what we have for the moment. The thing is…I can go without talking to #2, and I’m good…but I actually miss #1 when I go a day, two, or three without talking to him…

A friend said that I get the intellectual stimulation from #1 and the physical from #2…maybe so…but I am physically attracted to #1…trust…and I have connected with #2 on a level beyond the physical (apparently since we have not been physically intimate)…I just feel a dilemma coming on…options are always good…but I have a feeling someone is going to get hurt here…possibly me…with that being said…I am still keeping my options open…I don’t have an exclusive relationship with either…I have not even gone on a “date” with either…so, right now…I mean…may the best man win…but then again...is it best to have options, when they are both viable options?

And on a completely different note…

I was at the white party on Friday, when my homeboy walked by. I met him freshman year of college…he was a few years older. He’s been married for a minute, and the past few times I have seen him, he is giving his whoa is me sob story because his wife is insecure and has trust and jealousy issues…Now, he usually greets us with hugs, but all we got was this awkward wave as he kept it moving…my friend said, “Oh, so that’s all I get?” To which he replied, “Let me get something to drink first”. So…I am thirsty and I want a sprite…don’t feel like going to the bar, so I say, “Hey, bring me a sprite.” He keeps going…did not acknowledge my request, so I call out after him by name. “(insert name) get me a sprite”. He turns around and replies…mind you, we are now standing a good five feet from each other…

“I can’t do that, I can’t do shit…I got my wife with me”.

I am looking at his stupid azz like wtf?!

So later, I guess he calls himself putting me in my place…

“Yo, you can’t be doing that?”

Me being me…I laid into his stupid behind…

“How in the hell was I supposed to know your wife was with you. We were not fuking then, we are not fuking now, and we will not be fuking in the future…but you made us look real suspect with that little scene. I don’t need anyone’s wife in my face with some bullshit. I guess my expectations of you are too high…I expect you to always act the same with me…so if your wife has a problem with you giving women hugs, and buying them sprites when she is with you…then you shouldn’t do it when she is NOT with you”.

“I see what you’re saying, but you don’t understand my situation…everything I do is suspect…you don’t understand.”

“I guess I don’t”…and that was the end of that.

Men.

Pissing on Trees

He extended a dinner invite, which turned into lunch plans…which he canceled an hour before we were supposed to meet…

He was hosting a white party that evening, and I knew I would see him there…and I knew I would be looking damn fly.

I wore a white pencil skirt, that hugged the azz just right, had on a white button down (with the peek-a-boo) cleavage, and a wide black belt around the waist to break up all the white…with large gold hoop earrings, a black sateen clutch, and my black and gold peep toe sling-backs (pictured here). I always feel sexy, but I was in overdrive this evening…

The party started at nine, we got there around ten…normally would not be in the house until eleven, but they stopped serving the free Ciroc then, and my friend was trying to get her $20 worth.

I decide to go the ladies room to adjust myself…had a slight wardrobe malfunction getting out the car…well, my entire right boob decides to pop out of my undergarment…just as the parking attendant was approaching, lol. (This happened later that night while on the dance floor too).

So, I am on my way to the ladies room just to give myself a look over and refresh the gloss…when I see him approaching…looking sexy as hell in his white pants, button down shirt, and white vest with thin pink pinstripes…

“You look good.” he says through a smile as he hugs me. “What are you up to?”

“Going to the ladies room right now”, thinking…damn that smile, I wanted to be mad at him for cancelling, but he was just looking too good for me to care at the moment…

“What are you up to?” he asks again.

“At the moment, I am going to the ladies room.” As I walk off.

I go back out and catch up with my friends, in the same spot I left them…by the bar, lol.

I have a clear view of him standing on the corner of the dance floor…I take off to make my rounds, to see what else is going on in the spot…I approach him, intending to walk past him, when he reaches out and takes my hand…drawing me into him…

“You’re looking good.”

Ha, I’m thinking…this is the second time he’s said that…

“Thank you and you’re looking nice yourself.”

“What have you been up to?”

I wanted to say…cussing your flakey azz out for cancelling on me at the last minute…but I do not want him to know I am the bit phased.

So I reply with, “Working hard and I am kinda tired and sleepy now”

“You better drink a red bull” I hear him say as I walk off.

The night goes on, and I am having a good time…actually trying to stay away from him because the last thing I want is for him to think I am watching him…although I caught him watching me on a few occasions.

The first time being as I approached my homeboy, his business partner…it was beginning to get a lil' warm in the place, and “e” said I was hot only because I had just been hugged by him, to which I responded, I was already hot before you touched me, and shimmied as I walked off…

Yeah, I caught him eyeing me during that entire exchange.

My girl, was like…”He is all up in your shit, I can tell by the way he’s looking at you”.

Well…I know I was looking good…and he was up in my shit as my girl stated…but I don’t know what led to this…

I am standing on the dance floor, front and center…

This negro walks up to me, in a public place, in a room filled with people that we both know…says “Hey pretty lady”, as he rubs his hand across my azz…while kissing me on the cheek then on the neck…

Now…this caught me completely off guard…I looked up at the chick standing across from me and she had this “I ain’t mad atcha smirk” on her face…I mean, the man is fione!

But in the moment…I don’t think I was flattered or turned on…I was more so puzzled…

What was the motivation behind that?

Was this negro pissing on trees?

I mean, the biatches are not going to care, if anything that will only motivate them to be in his face even more, because they want an azz rub too, lol…and the negros well, they might be like, “Aww, my bad, I did not realize that was you man.”

And if so, why did he feel the need to do that? Why do men do that?

We ain’t fuking, but his body language throughout the night would have told a different story…

Hmmm…

Oh yeah, and we are supposed to be rescheduling lunch…

We shall see.

k-spot Flashback: 2 for 1

This time two years ago, I had an pestilence issue...things got pretty bad, I was considering packing my bags and leaving my home of 4 years...glad that it's all behind me now, only a memory...thought I would share my traumatic experience with my new blog friends...

Somebody's Watching Me!

When is it crossing the line of being a friendly neighbor to just down right stalker?

This guy moved into the apartment next to me this past May. The first time I saw him was on Labor Day walking up the stairs as I was going down, with baby mama and kids in tow. After this occurrence, I noticed that he would open his door as I was approaching the top of the stairs, peep out, and then abruptly close the door (probably because I was giving him one of my “What the hell do you want" looks). About a month ago on a Friday at approximately 10:30pm , he opened the door as I was approaching the top of stairs tugging groceries. He said “I knocked on your door last night but I guess you were not home”. I then gave him my “why in the hell are you knocking on my door" look and he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to make sure that his music was not that loud because some one had complained. I informed him that if it were too loud I would let him know, and then he proceeded to try to make small talk. But actually all he succeeded to do was weird me out. He informed me that he has been watching my coming and goings and that he has noticed I am never home. He also made a comment about my friend, Calvin who was with me the first day I saw him with baby mama and kids in tow. I gave him this look of bewilderment because I forgot all about that day and was trying to recall what he was talking about…so he pretty much took that as “Calvin could not have been my man”. I was trying to be neighborly and had a brief conversation with him, but I had a handful of groceries that I needed to put away, so I politely excused myself and went inside my apartment. 5 mins later I hear a knock on my door, I am on the phone with my mother and I let her know that she is not to hang up…I answer the door and of course it’s my neighbor (Who Shall Remain Nameless) asking me if I have a burner. I am now giving him my “Yeah, but you can’t borrow it” look and he then says “Oh no, I don’t want to use it, I just have a lot of cd’s and you can come over and see if there are any you would like to burn”. I gave him a thumbs up, waved good-bye and closed the door.


Since this first incident HWSRN has knocked on my door on several occasions. He has even gone as far as asking me if I work 2 jobs because I never seem to be at home. He has invited me over several times to watch movies, but the problem is he waits until an inappropriate hour to knock on my door, and he always seems to have an alcoholic beverage in hand. I’ve asked if I could borrow the movie when he’s done, but this does not seem to be acceptable…he wants me to step inside his space to watch ATL…I don’t even like TI, so my thought to that is Hell to the Naw! I do not find this brotha attractive and he is really weirding me out. Brotha even asked me if I would go to the new spot in town if he paid my cover, and had the nerve to tell me that I am not black “my skin is, but not on the inside”, because I am not attracted to his gold fronts and raggedy azz Cadillac! On my first encounter with HWSRN he told me that “I looked out of his league and he was afraid to talk to me” Well, I don’t know when he drank his cup of courage (maybe that’s why he always has the alcohol in hand when knocking on my door), but he was right, I am out of his league, and I really do need him to leave me alone. My friends tell me not to open the door, but I really do not want homeboy to start acting crazy and overly aggressive. Stalking is not going to make me come around, but it may force me to have to get a restraining order!

Hopefully HWSRN is not Internet savvy and has not found his way to my blog!

Here is a video in dishonor of HWSRN....



Bug-A-Boo!
Ok, if you read the last post you know that my neighbor (Who Shall Remain Nameless) has become somewhat of a nuisance. However, last night homeboy took the insanity to an all time high. Today is apparently his birthday, and for some reason he got it in his head that I would want to spend the day with him. He knocked on my door this past Thursday (I had only been home from work like 15mins)and I did not answer. Last night around 9pm I left my apartment, and when I returned at 11:30 pm I hear "Hi Neighbor". This all too familiar voice seemed to come from behind the bushes. I turned around to see HWSRN standing in the pool area (I always park near the pool. He was sitting out by the pool waiting for me to return home. He mentioned that he looked out his window and did not see my car anymore. He then informed me that he knocked on my door the other day, and had the nerve to say that he did not knock again because he did not want to be a bug-a-boo. Well to late "You a bug-a-boo...you buggin who...you buggin me and you know it ain't cool."

Well, apparently HWSRN took it upon himself to buy 2 tickets to Schlitterbahn Waterpark for the day. He assumed that I wanted to get in a car with him, take an hour and a half ride, and spend the day with him because it is his birthday. Stop the Insanity!

k-spot Flashback

If you go back in the archives, you will find this post from a year ago today...

I thought I would revisit it...seems a bit fitting considering some of the male-female banter I have been a party to recently...

Woman Seeking Man

Woman Seeking Man, but not any ol’ man will do. Unless you fit the following criteria please do not respond…

You must be…

Intelligent, Honest, Trustworthy, Passionate, Compassionate, Ambitious, Determined, Loving, Sharing , Humorous, Creative, Stylish, Respectful (of self and others), Faithful…Oh…and you must love Football!

I want a man that wants me…not the idea of me. You must realize that my world does not and will not revolve around you, but that does not mean you are not important in my life. You must realize I have my own dreams and aspirations and your support is needed, wanted, and expected…sometimes I need a cheerleader too. You have to understand that both of us have to give 100% in order to build…no 50/50 here. Sometimes I might need you to do something you may not want to…are you willing to make that compromise for me? So what, we have differences, that’s what makes life interesting…I would be bored if we were exactly the same, however, you must be willing to experience new things, understand that our differences is what makes us special. It’s ok if you’re hip-hop and I’m R&B…you can’t have one without the other. You must be willing to sit and chill with my family all day because it’s important to me. You must be willing to make a complete fool of yourself if it will bring a smile to my face…don’t want a man that takes himself too seriously. You must be willing to pray with me, and for me. You have to understand that I come with issues for I am not perfect…but neither are you. You must realize that I like what I like, and just because I don’t share your opinion, does not mean I don’t honor and respect it. You must realize that sometimes I will become frustrated and upset with you…but that does not mean that my feelings have changed. Will you call me before you go to bed just because you want to hear my voice? Will you sit with me in silence just because you want to share my space and time? It’s the little things that count, and I am well worth the effort!

Can you accept me…my differences, my quirks, my faults…those things that make me me? I expect a lot from those close to me…do you think you can handle the responsibility? If you meet the minimum qualifications for this position, then your response is welcomed…otherwise, please don’t respond.

Copyright © 2007 by kelic
All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this may be used or reproduced in without the author's consent.

The Walls Around Us

Secretive? Guarded? Both were used to describe me today…

The first could possibly mean a lack of trust? But who am I not trusting? The situation or the person?

I think that one reason I tend to be guarded, is because everyone always tend to a form an opinion…good or bad, and sometimes I am just not wanting to have to listen to other’s opinions on the situation. I guess I feel, that if you open up, you open yourself to ridicule.

Other times I just don’t flat out trust you…can’t trust that you will not try to manipulate things for your favor…or to hurt me…misery does love company.

Another reason that I chose to not disclose all, is because some people automatically want to think the worst…they automatically assume that you're acting with malicious intent...or that someone you're close to is purposely trying to hurt you. They see the worst in everyone…not just me…others...they see the worst in themselves, in everyone close to them…and sometimes these same folks that want to see the worst in those close to them, come to the defense and/or aid of someone they barely know…that barely knows them.

But most importantly…I think that the reason that I choose to keep certain things to self, is because not all is meant to be shared…some things are best kept to self…if there is anything to tell, it will be revealed in due time.

So, should I not mention anything? If I have to be vague about the situation, I guess it is probably best for me not to mention it at all.

At the end of the day…it’s my happiness, my trust, my feelings that are on the line.

And right now, I am just not ready to take the risk…way too much at stake.

The Pimp In Me

I have been in a bit of a funk…

Something funny…I was listening to J Holiday the other night…as he sang…

Girl, the pimp in me just died…said it died…it died…

So, I change my IM Status to…The pimp in me just died…

But here’s the funny thing…

I had a few people hit me up on IM asking about my status, “The pimp in me just died”…

What is that supposed to mean? Are you ok?

And the hater friend who said “Girl, you know you’re not a pimp”

I don’t think I have ever had more than one person react to a status message…and I have had some pretty ridiculous ones, lol.

So I just laughed it off, and let them know it was nothing…I was just listening to a song by J Holiday…blah, blah, blah…

But that was not all true, it was something…I have been in a bit of a funk lately…some of it is business stuff, some of it is family stuff, and some of it is man stuff…it’s the man stuff on top of the other stuff that really sent me over the edge…

Now at the time, the status message seemed fitting…I went from having two strong starters, and a good back up… to cutting the roster down to one…

I have one dude that I have been playing “reindeer games” with (shouts out to my girl) since, this time last year…and nothing has developed…but for some reason…he always draws me back in…

Then I have the other who although I have known for several years, just really came into my life a few months back… I find myself wanting to give to him…my time, my body, my soul…my inner thoughts…he has done in just a few months what some have not been able to do in years…earn my trust...get over the wall…I am already acting with him in mind…I must admit…my head is all MESSED up! He has been demanding of me and my time…although he does not have much time to give himself…and when I say demanding…I mean…he has very high expectations of me…which is cool, because I have the same level of expectations of him…but…he also wants to just come in and start running things, assert his control as the “man”…that’s what it ain’t…you at least got to put it down before you try to come in and regulate…I’m just saying…

I have yet to be physically intimate with either…which I am ok with, but on the other hand I am NOT ok with! They are both very attractive men …One of them is probably the sexiest, most handsome man I have EVER laid eyes on…he did try to kiss me, but I backed away, twice…I mean, he was still officially someone’s husband at the time…that’s the last time he has attempted to be in my space…he extends lunch invitations and never follows through…suggests we hang out together if we are going to be at the same social gathering, yet barely has to words to say to me when he sees me…I had pretty much chunked him the deuce…and now…he has extended a dinner invite…

So here I am…I have the attention of two handsome, intelligent, successful, black men…yet, I don’t feel as though I really have their attention. So far shit has been done on their terms…and that’s so not me…

I am about to make them work...

See usually, I tend to be high maintenance borderline difficult, sometimes just downright mean…I have been trying to work on that...trying to grow in that regard…trying to bury the hot headed, sharp tongued bitch...but they are about to bring her back out...seems like men like her better anyway…or at least she elicits the desired results. They are about to make me use the pimp hand, lol.

Oh, and don’t let me run into the back up…he might need to be bumped up to a starter as well. ;)

Might need to consider picking up a free-agent too.

The pimp has been revived.

I'm ill!

Yeah…I know, I need to update this thing.

A lot of pressing issues on my mind, but I think I will just share the random ish with you today.

Weddings annoy me…why do you ask? I will tell you why…because I end up having to come out of pocket and spend money because someone else decides they want to spend the rest of their lives together…that’s that bull. If I do go there…I ain’t registering for ish…I mean, if I want you to share in my day, I should not expect something in return…went to a wedding this past weekend, I brought the bride a spa gift certificate to cover some of her expenses…you know…mani, pedi, wax…I mean, to me, that’s more useful than a damn bag of towels. My brother is getting married in the “H” this weekend…he ain’t getting shit…I did not get a formal invitation, so he does not get a gift…not to mention, he waited until the last minute to tell us when /where the ceremony was going down…I did not plan to return to Houston until closer to the the end of the August…now I am heading down this weekend…which is all good…I mean…there is someone (oops I mean things) I can do while in town…but seriously. Weddings make me grumpy.

He said I’m off the chain…if he only really knew. *winks*

I don’t own any sexy lingerie…it’s all functional…I mean what’s the point? It’s only going to end up thrown in a corner behind the chair anyway…butt naked and heels seems to work for me…no complaints yet, no man has ever bought me panties as a gift…I try to go without them whenever possible…I would rather wear his button down with the 4inch stilettos anyway…

Now…my 9 yr old niece…she’s off the chain…I had a conversation with her about a week back…the news was on and she could hear the male newscaster in the background…the conversation went something like this…

“Aunt Keli, is someone there with you”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, K…I am sure. Why would I be on the phone with you if someone was here, that’s rude.”

“Because maybe you have something to tell us.” (She had me on speaker)

“Tell you like what?”

“I dunno, I’ve been hearing something about a wedding. Are you getting married?”

“NO! K. I am not getting married. Why would you think that?”

“I dunno, I mean, you should get married while you are still young *whispers under her breath* a little.”

“What was that you said at the end?”

“Nothing”

“No, you were bad enough to say it, be bold enough to repeat it.”

“Well, you should get married while you are still young…a little.”

“What do you mean young a little. You are right, I am still young…”

“A little.”

Ugh! She better be glad I love her. Then this weekend, she has the nerve to ask, “Aunt Keli, have you always been single?”

“Little girl, why are you so worried about my marital status?”

“Ummm…I kinda want an uncle”

And on that note…I am done! All this marriage talk has made be a bit ill.

Keli’s Rules for Wearing Heels

1. Always keep it sexy…comfort must always be sacrificed for style. If it the heel ain’t at least 3.5 inches…there is nothing I can do with it…not even worth buying…I need at least 4 to 4.5 inches…heels people, heels…other wise that number is doubled. *winks*

2. Please moisturize your situation…I know that lotion can sometimes make things slip and slide…but there is no excuse to have crusty dusty feet stuffed into some fly shoes. Grease them dawgs and put you on some socks…that will help some of that dissolve into the skin…it burns me up to see a woman in a pair of sexy open toe heels…feet looking like sand dunes...oh...and chipped toe nail polish is also a negative.

3. Taps are necessary…if it falls off, either get it replaced or retire the shoe. If your heels look like Spot got a hold of it and used it as a chew toy…it’s time to let those go…if your heels are turned over, leaning like the tower in Italy…well…I think you should not be wearing heels in the first place!

4. Buy the right size…if the shoe does not come in half sizes…go the next size up…never go down…heels hanging and toes dragging are never a good look. Also, feet stuffed in a two tight pair of shoes is not the bigness…feet all swollen, looking like you have bed baking in your shoe. (yes, Steph…I stole your line, lol).

5. Always have a pair of flip flops and a back up pair of shoes in the car (or in your emergency bag)…just in case the pain is unbearable. Shoes are like panties…you should always have a spare pair. Also, I never drive in my heels…that’s why I keep a pair of flip flops in the car…driving in heels is the quickest way to tear them up.

6. Cheap is good…I like a good sale…I love a good bargain…but I just can’t do pleather plastic shoes, with faux wood, faux cork, or faux anything…I’m allergic.

7. The Drop Test!

I bring the shoes home from the store…and before I decide to keep them…they must pass the drop test…I try shoes on again…In my head I hear Pimp C (RIP) saying…

Let me see it...Let me see it
Bend over lemme see it,
Let me see it...Let me see it
Bend over lemme see it...

I then do exactly that…I bend over and then I drop it low…holding it for a second before getting back up…then I bring it back up, slowly…trip drill style…tooting that azz up and putting that dip in my back…I do this infront of a mirror of course…I have to admire my work, while checking to see how good the shoes look while I do my thing…now, if I can drop it and get back up with ease…and the shoes make me look sexier while doing so…and I feel they can hold up…then they are a keeper…otherwise, back to the sto’ they go.

Now ladies…there you have it…that’s how you manage to keep it sexy when wearing heels. Sometimes your feet hurt like heel…but the true test of a bad biatch is being able to never break a sweat…at all times walk like you own the shoes…don’t let them own you.

Fellas…well…hey…if you know of any ladies that’s not working the heels right…you might want to pass along the tips.

Shouts to Patrice for giving me the idea!

Birthday Wishes

Today is Patrice’s Birthday!

Cancerains are nurturing, protective, traditional, understanding, caring, intuitive, tenacious…I would say that sounds about right. They have a flair for the dramatic, and Miss Patrice you are all of these things and more.

From one Cancerian to another…

Have a wonderful, happy, and blessed birthday.

So what's your course of action?

The Revolution will NOT be televised...

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on, and cop out...

Now…Former Sen. Phil Gramm has come under scrutiny for calling the U.S. a nation of whiners…at first, I wanted to jump on the “hater” bandwagon…just because I am not a Gramm fan…but once I stopped and thought about it…he is absolutely right…as a whole…we are…one big nation of whiners…we sit on our butts and complain...not taking much action towards making a positive change...we sit back and listen to Obama preach a message of positive change on the television and believe that a vote for him is enough to invoke the change we need in our communities…we learn from television...and the information highway…not using it to research policy and issues…but using others voices to guide our way…

How many of us know about legislation and local bond issues in our community?

How many of us vote in local elections?

How many of us would vote if there was not a black candidate in the mix?

How many of us sit on our azz, don’t get involved, don’t do jack , yet we constantly want to ridicule those who put in work?

Well as Gil Scott-Heron said...

The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised,will not be televised, will not be televised…

The revolution will be live.

So what's your course of action?

An Ode

A few words a friend wrote in honor of my birthday....

Shawty

I believe June 25, 1975 my guardian angel was born

She lifts me up even though my heart is still scorn

I don't mind exposing her like buttered flavored popcorn

Because she knows personally why I'm torn

When we first met I was Professor Warfield

In her room is where I preferred to chill

Two months, ago we both found out we share a similar skill

Even though she's a female I think she's my Dr. Phil

I picture her still having the baddest walk

These days I'm turned on by the way she talks

She must was raised in the hood

Because her voice sounds oh so good

These days she's clueless as to why I'm Undercover Brotha

I must admit that she is still one tough cookie

For she gives hell to veterans as well as rookies

I prefer to call her Tonja, because she too, is a downass sistah

A Year Later

It’s been a long day and it just got started…

I woke up at 3:30 this morning, and had the hardest time getting back to sleep because I have so many things on my mind. Its storm season, but no time for pity parties. I just celebrated a birthday and I have too much to be thankful for, however, it’s easy to lose sight of that when you are going through. I was going through the archives and came across my post for June 30, 2007…I think it is also fitting for June 30, 2008…

This morning I woke up with a sound mind and healthy body, I could not help but to thank God.

This morning I spotted a homeless man on the corner. I sat in my car watching him…he had a sign that read “Native American”, here he was begging for change, yet he looked dignified, even regal. Then, I thought about my life, and although to some I might not have much, I have been blessed. I thought about home, it might not be much, its home, and I could not help but to thank God. I thought about the very car I sat in, although not a luxury sedan, it serves its purpose…I could have been watching him from the bus stop. I reached in my purse pulled out a dollar and waved it to get his attention, as I handed him the dollar he said “God bless you and may you be safe”, I could feel the sincerity and I felt blessed in that moment…that costs much more than a dollar.

This morning I talked to my niece, I love to hear her laugh. She has been a pillar of strength in my life, she has taught be what strength is all about. Ironic, I find strength in a 9 year old. She has endured so much, yet she continues on rarely complaining. Today she is healthy and strong, no pain crisis, and it has been over a year since her last hospitalization…I could not help but to thank God.

This morning was not a guarantee, and neither is the next, but every morning that I am able to awake to the shining sun, I can’t help but to thank God.

It is so easy to get caught up in the negatives…what you should have, what you don’t have…however, when I stop and reflect, I realize that it could be a lot worse, and blessing are not necessarily measured by material possessions.

When I look at his creation, when I think of all that I DO have, when I reflect upon how my life is moving on and upward, I cannot help but to thank God.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Another dollar another day…another June 25^th another birthday!

I love my birthday, it’s my favorite annual holiday. Yep, I guess I am just that self centered. Celebrate with me, eat some cake, drink some bubbly, shake a tail feather…make it a good one!

I'm bored...

And boredom typically leads to mischief in my world...idle hands...

I think I might pass out? Why do you ask? Because I am sitting at my desk sucking my stomach in tightly…trying to get an ab workout in…but do you really want to know what’s the best ab workout? You really don’t have to ask that do you?

I had baked potato soup topped with cheddar cheese and bacon bits for lunch…it was good…I also had two mini turkey and swiss sandwiches, they were pretty good too. Now after eating this banana, I just want to go home and take a nap.

I try drinking water, but I can’t…that stuff is just nasty…it taste all bitter, or it tasted soapy, or it taste rusty…now matter what the taste, it’s all nastee!

I need to figure out how I want to allocate my 401K, what percentage I want in this fund vs. the next…guess I will have to contact the ex-boyfriend…since this is what he does for a living…and I am sure he will be happy to oblige…men like to feel needed.

So, I hope that he does not expect me to run behind his azz…I guess he did not get the memo…and I hope that he does not expect me to run behind his azz either…yes two different he’s…but apparently neither he knows about me...I can’t be bothered.

I am happy that I have a strong sense of self, and I do not wrap my identity and self worth around some man…if he leaves, I might be shook…but I will not be broken…I love me too much to allow that. And I really need my friends to stop comparing my situation with theirs…yes he left…yes I was hurt…yes it sucked…BUT…my world did not fall apart…why? Because my world never revolved around him…which is probably the reason he left…ultimately, I don’t think he could handle my strength and independence…the things that attracted him, were essentially the things that he could not get pass. His bad.

What?! Milk and Cookies? I think I might take a scoop of vanilla on a cake cone instead, lol.

So…I think it’s about time for a PBJ eating contest…I have two, possibly three contestants that are down right now…ha…and if your mind is in the gutter…you are right!

I hope he does not think I've forgotten that he owes me a Brazilian wax...

It’s going down in 2 more days…

It's Juneteenth

July 4th is all good...but this day signifies independence for me and my ancestors...my great great grandmother who passed at age 110 in June 1995, was born to a slave...it does not go too far back...

"The people of Texas are informed that in accordance with a Proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and free laborer."

Juneteenth is a celebration commemorating the ending of slavery in the United States. Dating back to 1865, it was on June 19^th that the Union soldiers, led by Major General Gordon Granger, landed at Galveston, Texas with news that the war had ended and that the enslaved were now free. Note that this was two and a half years after President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation - which had become official January 1, 1863. The Emancipation Proclamation had little impact on the Texans due to the minimal number of Union troops to enforce the new Executive order. However, with the surrender of General Lee in April of 1865, and the arrival of General Granger’s regiment, the forces were finally strong enough to influence and overcome the resistance.

8 days and counting…

I think I might take the plunge into the 21^st century and get myself a cell phone for my birthday…I don’t really want to do it…but I am tired of people complaining because they can’t text me, and they don’t have access to me when I am away, unless I call them and give a number where I can be reached…that’s one of the main reasons I don’t have a cell…I don’t need folks having that kinda access to me…and for the most part, I probably will not answer anyway…especially if folks start calling me during the day all wheelie kneelie.

I found a LG phone for $29.99 with a new 2yr Sprint contract...with the option for a $49.99 equipment protection…so…who wants to put $80 in my account so I can go head on with the plan…I mean, I will be responsible for paying the monthly bill myself. ..And the more that I think of it…creating another bill for myself is far from a gift.

Swagger Is Everything!

There is nothing sexier on a man than confidence…I like that borderline arrogant confidence.

Stuff like poppin his collar at me then walking off…leave me hanging, tease me…that’s what I’m talking ;bout.

The men that I am attracted to…they all have something in common…what is it you ask…

It’s that SWAGGER…

I mean, what other reason would make me want to throw the draws at Lil Wayne…

Damn I hate a shy bitch

Don't you hate a shy bitch?

Yeah, I ate a shy bitch...

She ain't shy no mo, she changed her name to my bitch…

I love it…

I have been told that I like a bad boy…but you know what…”bad boys” like me…well not really bad boys, but confident, overly confident, arrogant men like me…why? Because I have an ego bigger than theirs…I pose a challenge to most…a lesser man finds me intimidating, and I gots no time for that…I need a man that can hang…I like the man that comes up to me, will not say a word, but will talk to me with his eyes…I like the man that is bold enough to assume that I want him in my space…if not, I will let him know he can kick rocks…and probably not be too nice about it…

A friend once told me, “I don’t know what it is about you, but you always seem to pull that nigga that everybody else wants”…well I will let you in on a little secret…my boy Wheezy said it best…”Lil Mama got a swag like mine”…Game recognizes game…I attract what I am…I be the ish!